The Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Salem, Oregon

A Time for Silence

The Reverend Richard R. Davis, April 5, 2009

            A couple of  years before I entered theology in the early eighties, I found a part time job as a desk clerk in small, downtown hotel in Atlanta (about which I could tell you some amusing, scandalous and hair raising stories – perhaps some other time.)  The assistant manager of this hotel, Lawrence , turned out to be an old classmate from high school days in Columbus , Ga.   Small world.  I hadn’t known him well, but we had been on friendly terms.  I soon discovered that I had known Lawrence even less than I thought, but now that we were adults, living in the big tolerant city with an active gay culture, he had more freedom to be himself, which was, a gay man.  We talked about this, and Lawrence told me about a number of other classmates who were also either gay or lesbian. 

            In those dark ages - back when even the American Psychological and the American Psychiatric Association still considered homosexuality a pathological abnormality – same sex students had had no choice but to remain in the closet.  Homosexuality was considered way beyond the pale of acceptability, even more threatening than being a communist or an atheist.  Coming out of the closet would have, in effect, meant being sent to a mental hospital, or perhaps jail.  Certainly, anyone who dared to come out would have been ostracized and condemned in the cruelest of ways, even by one’s family.  No wonder Lawrence and all the other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students stayed in the closet. 

            But at what cost?  Lawrence seemed to have survived more or less intact.  Perhaps that was because his family was exceptionally kind and understanding.  But what about some others?  I remembered one student – a very kind and decent fellow - who suddenly and mysteriously disappeared from school one day.  Rumor had it that he was sent off somewhere for “counseling.”   He returned after a time – his heart and his spirit seemed to have been broken.  Then he was gone again, and we never saw him after that. 

            No one will ever know how many young people, when they realized that they were gay or lesbian – a realization that often comes at a very young age – have had their hearts and spirits broken, have felt cut off from the rest of humankind and were even told - and believed the lie - that they were cut off from God.

            Precious youth.  Under the best of circumstances we are still so vulnerable at this stage of our lives.  Same sex and transgender youth have an extra burden of vulnerability.  And we have to wonder:  how many young people have been crushed by the cruelty of homophobia?  How many have been disowned by their families and shunned by their spiritual communities?  How many have been forced to disavow their core sexual identity and descend into despair?  How many have found that the only surcease from pain was to be found in drugs and alcohol?  How many have been forced into promiscuous, sexually risky behaviors because same sex unions are not sanctioned?

We will never know the full extent of this tragic toll, but we cannot doubt that the toll is high - heartbreakingly high. 

Over the years of my ministry one of the things that saddens and dismays me the most is when a young person comes and tells me that they have been disowned by their parents because they are gay or lesbian.  The roots of homophobia run so deep that they sever even the strongest of human bonds – the bond between a parent and a child.  

Recently, at the behest of her concerned friend, I sent an article to a young lesbian’s religiously conservative parents in Arizona .   This article in the medical journal Pediatrics cited a recent study which states that:  “Lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults who reported higher levels of family rejection during adolescence were 8.4 times more likely to report having attempted suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs, and 3.4 times more likely to report having engaged in unprotected sexual intercourse compared with peers from families that reported no or low levels of family rejection.”   What a stunning revelation!   It gives us some faint glimpse of the harm such rejection has caused. 

I wanted those parents to be aware of the possible implications of their rejection of their daughter because I am aware of the enormous pressure that many religious traditions place upon people to condemn homosexuality.   In response to such evidence religious conservatives have a ready response:  they say that same sex youth are so at risk because they believe they are trapped in a homosexual lifestyle, and they lack all hope of escaping from it.  Thus, they, the religious traditionalists, claim they want to offer homosexual people hope that they can be “healed” of their unnatural sexual inclinations, that they can become heterosexual, as God intended all people to be. 

If homosexual behavior is unnatural and puts one’s soul at risk of eternal damnation, then someone needs to get the word out to the 1500 species, ranging from primates to gut worms, who have been scientifically observed practicing it. 

Those who claim that same sex orientation can be changed by counseling and therapy should talk to people like my good friend John, who spent well over a decade in private counseling trying to overcome his homosexual orientation until one day when his counselor finally said: “You know, John, I realize that you are gay and that’s OK.  Both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association now realize there is nothing abnormal or harmful in being gay or lesbian.” 

Hearing those words from his trusted counselor, a good man who until that time simply mirrored societal prejudice, was a liberating experience for John.  I’ve never witnessed such a dramatic transformation in a person.  Once painfully shy and insecure, he became strong, confident and flowered into a young Fulbright scholar of such note that they flew the flags at half mast at his university after his untimely death.   

Once John felt free to be himself he had a full and abundant life.  It’s supremely ironic that the cultural force most responsible for depriving John and other homosexuals of their freedom is the very one that promises to give humankind an abundant and fulfilling life yet has so often denied it to gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people – I’m talking about religion, especially three of them. 

The three Abrahamic religious traditions--which claim one common spiritual ancestor, the mythical patriarch, Abraham – are Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  Born in the harsh desert climate of the mideast and shaped by a warlike, patriarchal culture, they have been especially harsh in their condemnation of homosexuality.  Some scholars speculate that the societies in which these religions arose had high rates of infant mortality, so abundant procreation was essential for survival -  therefore sexual relations that did not make babies was perceived as a great social danger.  By contrast, the two dominant Asian religions, Hinduism and Buddhism, born in the fertile Indus valley, contain no direct or indirect condemnation of homosexuality in any of their sacred texts. 

It’s true that any number of biblical scholars point out that the word “homosexual” does not appear anywhere in Jewish, Christian or Islamic scripture and there is no prohibition of same sex love, just condemnation of same sex rape, temple prostitution and lust.  Nevertheless, practitioners of the Jewish, Christian and Islamic traditions are most responsible for claiming that homophobia has divine sanction.  The harm that has come from this is tragic and incalculable. 

In recent decades, Jews (at least in America ) have done the most to atone for this painful heritage.  Christians are struggling mightily with their homophobia and are painfully divided, yet many conscientious Christians are standing on the side of love and championing the full inclusion of GLBT people in their communities of faith – yet most remain rigid in their intolerance.   In Islam, for complex cultural reasons, the challenge is monumental.  Only in marginal progressive Islamic circles is homosexuality accepted.  Mainstream Islam condemns it and in many Islamic countries homosexual behavior is punishable by imprisonment and even death in at least nine countries.  

The conviction that God considers homosexuality to be an abomination is the bedrock foundation for homophobia in our world.   We see an almost cartoonish parody of this when the Rev. Fred Phelps of Kansas and his small clan go around the nation protesting with signs proclaiming “God hates fags.”  Many religious folks try to distance themselves from such virulent hatred, saying that they hate the sin, not the sinner.  This is disingenuous.  A person’s sexual identity is not a choice.  This feeble attempt to sanctify homophobia is akin to justifying racism by saying that you don’t hate the people of color, just the skin they wear.   Fred Phelps and his ilk merely display the logical implications of those who embrace a theology which asserts that God condemns homosexuals and their souls are destined for eternal damnation. 

Such theology has caused untold grief, sorrow, oppression and injustice – more than we can fathom.   It has led to inhumane treatment, exclusion and oppression of GLBT people and we challenge this theology that condones hatred and bigotry.  In the past the bible has been cited to justify slavery, the oppression of women and even genocide, and today, only the most extreme zealots do that.  Some day, I hope and believe, most people of faith will heed the high call of reason and compassion – they will no longer cite ancient scripture to justify their prejudice and hatred of same sex love.  We may not live to see that day, but I believe that day will come.

            We have made progress on the road to the full social, religious and political inclusion of sexual minorities in our society.   I’m especially grateful to be a member of the first major organized religious movement to openly affirm and promote the inherent dignity and worth of GLBT people.  Unitarian Universalists were among the original religious pioneers blazing this trail. 

            Today - forty years after we officially welcomed the Rev. James Stoll, the first openly same sex ordained clergy person in our nation into our movement - we have many more allies.  One of the most hopeful signs is the evolving attitudes of youth.  Polls show that young people are much less likely to be homophobic than their elders.  Great progress has been made and there is cause for hope.  

             Yet there is continuing cause for concern.  If we conducted an informal poll asking who among us would like to return to our high school days those who would most NOT want to take that journey into the past would likely be many GLBT people.   High School was probably hell for those among us who are GLBT, especially those of us over thirty.   Most likely you were bullied or belittled or beaten or ostracized.  Or you had to stay in the closet, living in mortal terror of being discovered.  Perhaps you were filled with self loathing – wishing you could be heterosexual, like everyone else seemed to be.  You may have even prayed for God to make you “normal” but those prayers were never answered. 

Things are better now, but not as much as you might think.  Today, nationwide four out of five GLBT students say that they are harassed or intimidated or excluded.  That’s 80%!   That’s not acceptable in our schools.  Yet such abusive behavior toward our precious sons and daughters will continue until enough people get the message – such blind hatred, oppression and bigotry is wrong, it is hurtful, it ruins and ends young lives, and we will not tolerate this in silence.

Yet to make this point there will be silence – a Day of Silence on Friday, April 17.  The “Day of Silence” began twelve years ago at the University of Virginia .  The purpose of this silent observation is to be a form of social witness and call student’s, teacher’s and school administrator’s attention to the harassment and bullying that does so frequently occur.  Today it is observed by students in over 5,000 schools nationwide. 

In my high school days hatred of GLBT students was virtually unchallenged.  Those days are over.  We know there is too much at stake – the physical, psychological and spiritual well being of countless young people is at risk.  By encouraging students at local schools to be aware of and participate in this day of silence we can help bring an end to this mistreatment.  Help change the minds of youth and you change the world.